


Normalizing Idiocracy

by orphan_account



Series: Halloween 2018 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, i mean read if you want, i’m gonna be honest with u chief this doesn’t have any kuroo dai in it yet, shitty - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-14 00:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16482656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Is Kuroo getting pranked on this fine astronomy camping trip?





	Normalizing Idiocracy

**Author's Note:**

> i just accidentally copied the word idiocracy and i have to go back and copy my whole doc again

Bokuto and Kuroo always have the best intentions. They aren’t always interpreted that way, but he never  _ intends _ for things to end up the way they do. It kind of just happens. 

So when Kuroo signed him and Bokuto’s names up for the astronomy majors’ camping trip, he couldn’t have been more excited. 

But, things took a turn for the worst. And now Bokuto and Kuroo are “at least” one mile away from the original campsite.

“I’m still mad,” Kuroo said, poking their lone fire with his proclaimed stick. He pushed their piles of newspaper around, black cinders floating up with the smoke. 

“They really have some audacity,” Bokuto sighed. He ripped open the bag of marshmallows, promptly shoving one into his mouth. “Really uncalled for.” 

Kuroo grabbed a marshmallow too, putting it on his roasting stick over the campfire. 

“How were we supposed to know telescopes were expensive,” Kuroo groaned, dipping his marshmallow in and out of the flames. 

“Yeah can’t you just like, take a picture on your phone and zoom in really far?” Bokuto asked genuinely, Kuroo side eyeing him but ultimately giving it up. 

“I mean, the night’s not over. Plan “gaze at the stars through a telescope on a warm fall night” is canceled but plan “gaze at the stars on a kinda warm fall night” isn’t,” Kuroo said hopefully. 

“That’s gay,” Bokuto said, also hopefully. 

“Gaze with me Bokuto-chan,” Kuroo looked up at the sky, Bokuto doing the same. The stars were shining bright out in their grassy field, glittering without the thick mask of smoke from the city. They looked the best Kuroo had ever seen them.

“Underwhelming,” He said, Bokuto nodding in agreement. “Let’s play truth or dare.”   
  


 

“Truth,” Bokuto answered. They were ten rounds deep in an increasingly intense game, Kuroo already tipsy and Bokuto suffering with a couple campfire fueled burns. Despite his proven strength in the previous dares, Kuroo was still going to call him a pussy for picking truth. 

“Pussy.” Kuroo took another sip of his beer which, can he point out, tastes like piss. 

Him and Bokuto weren’t sitting across from the fire anymore, Kuroo had earlier been dared to set the tent up, ultimately daring Bokuto to help him. So now they were inside, a flashlight tied to the ceiling in the most elegant way it could be. 

“You weren’t a pussy when you picked truth two times in a row.” Bokuto objected, Kuroo internally sighing. 

“So you remember that time I asked you to get me garlic bread from the store?” Kuroo asked. 

Bokuto immediately averted his eyes, hands folded in is lap. Kuroo could see right through him. 

“Was it really all sold out, or did you just forget?” Kuroo looked at him confidently, beer in one hand, the other pressed hard onto the tent floor. 

“Kuroo…” Bokuto winced. 

“I knew it,” Kuroo said, leaning back into a more relaxed position. “I’m not mad, just disappointed.” 

Before they could adjust into another senseless conversation, the sound of crinkling leaves outside the tent stopped them in their path. Kuroo, taking much pride in his inability to get scared, felt his stomach perform a two act dance routine, fear filling his veins. He looked up at Bokuto, both of them sitting in pure silence. Bokuto’s eyes were wider than they normally are, which is really fucking wide. 

Kuroo tried to further reflect on the situation, coming to the conclusion that he wasn’t really  _ that _ scared. It was just a figment of his imagination and—

“What,” Bokuto whispered, Kuroo screaming and jumping back in fear. Bokuto paused, both of them staring uneasily. “What was that?” 

“Bro—I don’t even know,” Kuroo tried to whisper back through his shaky voice. 

They sat for a second, Kuroo finishing off his beer and Bokuto taking a couple sips of his equally toxic caramel macchiato he insisted they get before the trip. 

“Truth or dare,” Bokuto whispered with excitement, giggling at the end like he had just thought up a master scheme. Normally Kuroo would have caught on, but something about the immense fear that fogged his brain and the three empty beers tossed in the corner of the tent didn’t let him do that. 

“Dare,” He huffed. “Do I look like a pussy to you?” Another crinkle of leaves came from outside the tent, at the worst possible moment. “Omg.” Kuroo imagined one of the astronomy majors outside, dressed in lab coat, eyes bloodshot as he measures them exactly nine tenths of a mile away. He screams, yeeting their whole campsite. 

But, neither of them heard any screaming so that must be inaccurate. 

“I dare you,” Bokuto said, Kuroo choking up at the thought of having to do something, “To go outside of the tent.” 

Kuroo’s heart literally stopped. This, most definitely, was against the sacred rules of truth or dare. This is actual adult endangerment, Bokuto is sending him into an indefinite fatality. 

“I’m not doing that.”

“Pussy.”

But a dares a dare. Kuroo got up from utop his sleeping bag, zipping up his coat before opening the tent to his death. He stared down at the velcro patch, glancing back at Bokuto one last time before he stepped outside. 

With great worry, Kuroo slowly panned up the body of a person. He had really hoped those suspicious sounds weren’t what he had thought they were. But, on brand, he was wrong. 

Two black boots were firmly placed in the collection of autumn colored leaves, crinkling underneath the sole. Black dress pants tailored perfectly, a same color black shirt tucked into them. It wore a large midnight coat, lined with an obnoxious red. It reached his calves, collar popped up into a dramatic spike. Two sharp fangs poked from his lips, eyes with red irises staring back.

Kuroo gulped as he faced eye to eye with a full blooded goth kid. He had black hair and everything. 

Kuroo forced himself to sigh, even if a goth kid was as terrifying as any monster. He needed Bokuto to know he wasn’t scared. He needed jesus to know. He made the sign of the cross on his chest as he hesitantly approached the disaster human. 

“So, you’re Catholic?” The kid asked, the first thing he decided to say to the prep cowering in front of him. 

Kuroo, being the fantastic man he is, groaned. “No, I’m gay.” 

The man smirked. “Great.” He stood in an upright stance the entire time, eyes lidded and dismissive as he participated in as little small talk as necessary. His hair lay wavy on his head, curling down onto sharp eyebrows. He looked down on you as if you were a meal. A whole snacc. 

Kuroo heard the rustling of the tent behind him, a full fledged Bokuto walking up beside. 

“Nice…” Bokuto paused, thinking the hardest he could. “...face.” Kuroo winced. He contemplated telling Bokuto that his pick up line was terrible but, considering their fates were in the hands of a goth kid, Kuroo saved the roast. Because, if he had said it, Bokuto would have said  _ Dude, you’re supposed to be my wingman _ and Kuroo would have to be like  _ Yeah he likes your face _ and that would be about a minute of time wasted. 

The goth kid checked his watch. “I don’t have that much time, I just need to get this done,” He said, walking awkwardly close to the two of them. 

Kuroo inhaled sharply. “What’s your name?” He asked, backing up. “I’m Kuroo and this is Bokuto.” Bokuto short him a confused look, then turning to wave at the goth kid. 

“What?” The goth kid furrowed his brows. “Don’t you know what I am?” 

Kuroo and Bokuto both looked at each other, wildly confused with the whole situation. This was supposed to be an astronomy camping trip and here they are under the hands of myspace jeffree star. 

“...a goth kid,” Bokuto said, looking him up and down. 

“No,” He said, seeming to be just as confused as them. Kuroo and Bokuto let out big sigh of relief as the  _ not  _ goth kid stumbled over his words. This is realllllyyyyy good so far!!!! Now get out there a bust a nut!!!

“You wanna play truth or dare with us?” Bokuto asked, the guy in front of them sighing. 

“No,” He said, turning away from them. 

  
  


“So, Akaashi,” Kuroo said, all three of them sitting in the tent. “Truth or dare?” 

Akaashi, the not goth kid, looked around. “Truth.” 

“Are you single?” Bokuto asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Shut up it’s my turn,” Kuroo pushed him to the side. He looked back at Akaashi, whose name they squeezed out in the first round. He looked bored but like, in a fun way. Kuroo thinks he’s having fun. He definitely is. “Do you have a myspace?”

“No,” Akaashi said. 

“Ok your turn!” Bokuto yelled. “Who are you gonna ask?” He lowered his brows, giggling. 

“Kuroo,” Akaashi said, either very intentionally dissing Bokuto’s moves or just not catching on. But this made Kuroo happy because Akaashi seems like a really good friend. 

He might have a weird sense of fashion and kind of hates both of them, but Kuroo really sees him as a BFF. 

“Truth or dare?” Akaashi asked. Kuroo looked up at him, contemplating his answer. 

“Tru—“

“Pussy,” Bokuto interrupted.

“Dare,” Kuroo coughed. “I pick dare.” He took another sip of his beer. He knew this wasn’t going to be good. 

“Come over here and I’ll whisper it in your ear,” Akaashi said, looking at Kuroo. Kuroo looked behind him, then back at Akaashi.  _ Me? _

He leaned up next to Akaashi, getting his ear as close to his mouth that he could. He would’ve preferred surround sound but whatever. 

Akaashi started to say something, Kuroo listening intently. 

“Dude, I can’t hear you,” Kuroo whispered loudly. Akaashi didn’t say anything. “H—AGH what the fuck!” Kuroo screamed, pulling away from Akaashi. 

It felt like something had poked his neck, and he held it as he screamed violently. 

Akaashi put his hands in his face, only looking up to say “shut the fuck up” over Kuroo’s screams. 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

“AGH Bro what the  _ literal  _ fuck!”

“Haha dude what’s the dare,” Bokuto asked Kuroo, who continued screaming while giving him a dirty look. 

After a couple solid seconds of Kuroo’s yelling, Akaashi stood up and got out of the tent, Kuroo presuming to never see him again. 

“I didn’t even get his number…” Bokuto sighed. 

“Not your type,” Kuroo said, pausing from screaming. “And how does this look?” Kuroo lifted his hand from his neck, showing Bokuto the wound. 

“Like a halloween make up,” Bokuto answered annoyed. “He’s a buttcrack I hate Akaashi now.” 

“How many caramel macchiatos did you have?” Kuroo asked, his neck suddenly not hurting as much. Guess he’s just that tough. 

“Like...six?” Bokuto asked himself. Kuroo sighed. 

“I’m going to bed,” He said, laying down and snuggling under his sleeping bag. The wound on his neck wasn’t exactly scream out loud pain but it still throbbed, and normally he would have told Bokuto that it was real but something just didn’t feel right. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep for the next month,” Bokuto said, taking another sip of his coffee. 


End file.
